This past weekend was the Rocky Mountain Horse Expo, and Grace's competition for the Equine Comeback Challenge was yesterday afternoon. Since then I've been giving a lot of thought to what it means to make a comeback. I feel like to truly appreciate what happened for me and Grace you need a little more background information on my own journey.
In April of 2008 I suffered a traumatic brain injury. I was riding a well behaved adult mare for a client, and the mare was cantering nicely in the arena when she took a bad step, slipped and fell. I went down with her and we hit the ground. She got up and I didn't. I was wearing my helmet that day as I always do, which is the reason I am alive to tell the tale. The owner of the horse was there and able to get an ambulance for me immediately, a perfect example of why I never ride alone.
Because of the ensuing brain injury, I spent time in the hospital, in a rehabilitation hospital, in a wheelchair, and then months with a walker because my balance was so poor. I was unable to talk to people for months, and though I kept a journal and wrote prolific amounts, my short term memory was damaged and the entries read like a repetitive log of events. The part of my brain that was damaged affected my vestibular vision, so I would lose my balance if I saw anything moving. I also dealt with dramatic problems with overstimulation, causing me to lose my balance, lose my ability to speak, and have great difficulty even staying upright when there was any amount of commotion, including noise, smells, busy wallpaper, foods that tasted strong, or even touching textured surfaces would send me into a fearful and nearly comatose state.
I am grateful to have made a huge comeback. Most people today who meet me have no idea that I have brain damage and cannot tell that I still struggle with my balance, with speaking, and with paralyzing anxiety in overstimulating environments. I also deal with a very large fatigue factor, requiring me to sleep at least 12-14 hours per night to be able to function (including walking and talking to strangers) during the day. Getting sufficient rest is not possible at an event like horse expo, so I did the best I could with the rest I received.
With that history regarding my own health issues, I hope that those who have followed Grace's story will have a greater appreciation of the challenges we dealt with during the horse expo.
When we arrived Thursday morning Grace was understandably confused, never having been in such a busy environment before. With the help of the Bit of Honey Training entourage we got the six horses with Bit of Honey Training settled and checked into the barns, with our tack stall decorated and our horses tucked into their stalls.
Over the course of the weekend I taught two jumping clinic sessions, rode in a Centered Riding demo clinic, and coached several of my own clients in the warm up area. Grace and I rode every day, and she experienced all the arenas on the show grounds. She walked and trotted in circles and serpentines, figure eights, she rode alone and with large groups of horses who nearly collided with us galloping at her head on. We went over ground poles, bridges, flower boxes, and brushed up on our transitions. She was incredibly well prepared for the competition. I became excited and felt very confident. The course for the Equine Comeback Challenge appeared to have been designed just for Grace, tapping into all the skills she is best at, including turning, pole work, walking and trotting.
When Sunday finally arrived I was tired from the business of the previous days, but truly looking forward to showing off what Grace is capable of. When the time came, I began grooming Grace, getting her braided and ready for her presentation. As I was preparing to saddle her, the executive director of the expo approached me and asked me to go assess a colicky horse in the other barns, since I was the only veterinary technician on the grounds. Against my better judgement I went and looked at the mare, who turned out to be stable with normal vital signs. I counseled her owners to keep a close eye on her and notify the veterinarian on call if her condition deteriorated. I went back to the barns and hurriedly tacked up Grace, and we went to the opposite end of the facility to await our competition with the other trainers and their horses. Grace was wonderful while we waited. There was a flower box placed near us while the grounds crew set up the trail course in the arena, so Grace kept her mind busy and calm by first tasting the plastic flowers (very disappointing) walking over and around it, then knocking it down. She did decide that her braided mane was just too uncomfortable, and somehow managed to undo the entire thing with a good full body shake. Hidden skills, I tell you.
When we were all allowed into the arena to let our horses look at the obstacles, I led Grace in hand and she marched around with all the confidence she could muster. She had toured that particular indoor arena when we arrived on Thursday, so she was familiar with the sounds and smells of the trains going by, the freeway traffic, the bizarre shadows, the ventilation system periodically belching and then blowing air directly onto the horses. She even was comfortable with the crowd, the children, strollers, and applause. I was bursting with pride and feeling very confident about our ability to negotiate the obstacle course.
Then, for reasons known only to himself, one of the other competitors waited until Grace was just feet from his horse. He then began to crack a bull whip in the air repeatedly, only narrowly missing hitting Grace and me. Bull whips have a noise unlike any other, it is a sharp loud sound with significant vibration. Grace understandably spooked each time it cracked. He continued to crack the whip, over and over, until I finally shouted at him to stop. By then most of the horses in the arena were very high on adrenaline from hearing the whip. Grace, my dear dear Grace, was so fearful she could hardly contain herself. I myself was having great difficulty with my own balance and composure, since the commotion of the arena compounded by the vibration and sound of the bull whip so close to me exacerbated all the problems I struggle with as leftovers from the brain injury.
When we were instructed to exit the arena, the horses and trainers all stood in the alleyway entrance. I had no room to get Grace out of the arena completely, so I did the best I could to keep her out of the way. Then the horse whose rider used the bull whip went berserk, kicking Grace hard and squarely on her right shoulder. The horse began spinning and for some reason was passed off to one of my assistants who was unequipped to handle the terrified creature. She declined to hold him, and someone else took the horse. I led Grace into the arena, because that was the only space there was for me to take her. She was understandably shaken up, so I kept speaking in a steady monologue to calm her, and breathing deeply to keep myself centered and upright. By this time I was quite nauseated, unbalanced and stressed, and doing my best to not let the brain injury derail my efforts to show Grace to the best of her abilities.
The competition itself began, and each horse and trainer pair entered the arena individually to do the course and then their freestyle. Once the alleyway was clear I took Grace out of the building and into the sun outside, to continue our breathing and calming routine. By this time Grace was entirely convinced she was in mortal danger, having been nearly whipped and then kicked full throttle by another upset horse. When our turn came to enter the arena, Grace stood squarely for having her front and back hooves picked up. She stood quietly for being bridled. She stood quietly for me moving the mounting block to her side. When I went to mount, however, she backed up quickly, telling me that she was not able to ride after all that had happened. I tried once more to mount, and she raised her head high and tried to walk away from me. She made it quite clear that she was done with this terrifying version of human nonsense. I agreed with her, and elected to do the course while leading her in hand. To have forced the issue, demanding that she stand and allow me to ride her would have gone against every bit of training we had done thus far. I have worked for 45 days to earn her trust, explaining over and over to her that I will always be kind to her, I will keep her safe, and I will never demand from her for more than she can do. To compound the issue, I was also feeling the leftover effects of the brain injury, and I was quite stressed and unbalanced. I was safer not riding a nervous green horse.
We entered the arena together on the ground. Grace followed me around the course as though her life depended on it, any nervousness on her part made her stand a little closer, look to me for support, and demonstrated that she did indeed trust me to keep her safe. I felt so honored to be able to walk. I am no longer in a wheelchair. Grace is no longer simply an elderly and saggy PMU mare. Even just a year ago the bull whip would have overcome my coping mechanisms and I would not have merely needed to withdraw from the competition, but it would have reduced me to the fetal position in the dirt in the arena, vomiting and rocking back and forth. But I walked that course with a graceful mare who trusted me to keep her safe when only 45 days ago she didn't know how to be led with a halter and lead rope by a human.
So this year the Equine Comeback Challenge not only allowed Grace to make an incredible comeback, but it allowed me the opportunity to reflect on my own comeback. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessing of being able to walk, to stand upright, to be able to handle the overstimulating environment into which Grace and I were thrust. This was truly a Comeback Challenge for both of us.
Epilogue
Grace did not find her forever home at the expo, so I sent her back to Mountain Valley Horse Rescue, getting a ride with another wonderful trainer I met at the expo who lives in that area of the mountains. Grace is still available to adopt, and comes with her own Weatherbeeta blanket, Weaver saddle pad, leather halter with brass nameplate, and two posters chronicling her journey with me here at Bit of Honey Training. I would be pleased to work with her and her new owners when they find each other.
I was interviewed by the Rocky Mountain Horse Expo so that I could speak about the importance of the Home for Every Horse program. My interview can be seen at https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152293831393921&set=vb.352411683920&type=2&theater
I was also interviewed prior to the competition about why I chose to participate in the Equine Comeback Challenge. This interview can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia4iIkRmdf0
There was some video taken of Grace and me walking the course in the competition. That can be seen at https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=587223788028947&set=vb.104987979585866&type=2&theater
The complete video of our presentation at the expo in the Equine Comeback Challenge can be seen at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xILzkjHtRCc
No comments:
Post a Comment